Is My Husband’s Loyalty To Me or My Stepchildren?
Question by : Is My Husband’s Loyalty To Me or My Stepchildren?
Well, here I am again. I just wrote about my husband’s alcoholism and his lack of performance because of it. He saw a doc last week who ran a blood test re his testosterone level but told him (he says) that his beer drinking nightly isn’t the problem. I think he needs to change doctors. Anyway, after enduring his 2 daughters moving in with us when we were barely newlyweds – we married in Feb of last year and they moved in in Aug and stayed until mid-October, I thought we were home free. We married very quickly after we met and since my husband and his kids all lived together and he was supporting most all of the household, it pretty much uprooted them when he and I moved in together. They don’t want their Dad with anyone, ever again. So I felt guilty and we agreed they could live with us for awhile. One was an adult and one almost an adult. They did not respect me and after they got a place of their own, my husband and I thought we were finally going to live our life alone. Now his 2 sons have moved in, starting their 2nd week and here we go again. The oldest is a young adult and the youngest is 20 with no job. The oldest has a part time job. We disagree about the heat, as they are always hot and hate the heater on and I am cold. I spend my time in my room all day, retired, and they also do not want my granddaughters to spend the weekend every other weekend like it has been done since we got married because it forces them to find a place to stay for that weekend and they can’t afford it. Tonight, we had a fight because my family is visiting for Valentine’s Day this Saturday and they wanted to know if they would have to find a place to stay again. We told them no, that the family only lives an hour away and won’t stay. But I told them that they expect us to change my arrangement just because they moved in and they said they were homeless and my granddaughters weren’t. So I said I guessed I would have to not see my grandaughters indefinitely until they moved out which will break my heart because we do activities together. I do not have control of my own home and my husband said tonight this isn’t working out and I should move with my Mom. He sided against his daughters because they did some very mean things to me but now he’s siding with his sons and I have only tried to help.
Best answer:
Answer by My Zoo
Face it- you didn’t marry him-you married the whole mess,he will always side with them, so cut your losses and move on and live a happy life.Because it will always be one thing after another .
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Cametra S says:
Wow u may be cold cause u need more iron.you don’t have a futon or a air mattress your grandkids are kids their grown tell them get use to it grow up or get out and if your hubby don’t like it tell him to follow suit Jk about the last part but things shouldn’t be his or yours they should be our maybe when u both change that state of mind things will come together
Spindrift says:
Seriously? Divorce him, this is way too much drama and he needs to support you unconditionally and kick out his worthless good for nothing snotty sons but he won’t so you need to leave him to his crappy kids.
Bumble Bee says:
u mean u have granddaughters but no own place? this is sad. i agree your husband must help his children no matter what and your granddaughters re not homeless and how about YOU go visit your own children for a weekend? to see your granddaughters? and i really do not comprehand why people who have no money get married. where did u live BEFORE u married him? obviously he has been living in his own place with his own children. so where have u lived all these years?
Saya says:
This is his loyalty chart:
1st – His children
2nd – The pets
3rd – His mother
4th – The house
5th – You
Ivan Drago says:
I think you are in a tough spot. Honestly, it sounds like you have two choices, you can wait until his sons move out again before your granddaughters can stay the weekend, or you can move out. If you stay, maybe you could still spend every other Saturday with your granddaughters, just for the entire day no overnight. If not your house then the park, playground somewhere nice. Maybe your husband will put pressure on his sons to find a place of their own. They are both old enough where they need to both have fulltime jobs and be supporting themselves, especially the oldest. It bothers me though that he said it wasnt working out and you should move out. He needs to be trying to find a solution to this problem, thats what men do and you are his wife and this is important to you. He also needs to tell his kids to get over it being hot, you are the wife they are the kids, you get to pick the temperature
Honestly, bottom line is you need to figure out what will make you the HAPPIEST, and make that choice, and trust your decision.
jude says:
he should be loyal to you first, they should never have been allowed to move in your home. this is something that one never expects to happen when they marry but if he has children your always going to be last. it never works when you have to live with others. your husband should have kicked them out.